Just got some serious knowledge dropped on me by an extremely intelligent, highly educated, old man with demons of his own.
He starts off the conversation pointing out that there is a significant difference between happiness and success. He also said that he is pretty sure that most of us had never thought to distinguish the two. He said that equating the two is one of the biggest mistakes most people make. He said he had four things to say, and he went straight into them:
1. Be Selfish - He said we should be selfish. He said that he does not mean selfishness in that greedy way, but selfishness in terms of understanding what works for you, both professionally and personally.
- On a professional level, he said that he understands that, as young people, we are under the pressure to be intelligent, and successful in a particular way. He said that to achieve what you want, you must be willing to accept that whatever career you choose may not necessarily be for you, and that that is okay. He said that if you find that a certain career that you chose is not for you, it does not mean that you are a failure or that something is wrong with. What matters is that you figure out what works for you on a personal level and do that; find something that you are passionate about; find something that makes you want to wake up every morning.
- On a personal level, he said that for him those things were his travelling experiences, his multiple pets, and his relationship with his son. He said that everyone does not require the same things, but it is important to find them.
2. Live Like a Student - He said even after you start making money, it is important to continue to live frugally for 5-7 years. He said that the goal should be to pay off loans and save as much as the situation requires. He said that any extra money that you have (after bills and minimum debt payments have been made) should be split into two equal parts, with the first half going to debt reduction, and the second half going into a savings account. He said that life is too unpredictable, and as you embark on the process of figuring out what works for you (both personally and professionally), you need funds stacked away so that once it clicks, you can make the moves that will place you where you want to be. He said that a failure to do this can limit you. He said that you don’t have to live like a pauper, but that you should not be a slave to debt or over-excessive spending.
3. Be Malleable to Change - He said that it is important to understand that the journey will not go as planned. He said that we must understand that we will most likely have to try several different things (both professionally and personally). He said that you will switch jobs at least twice, and that most people get re-married at least once. He said that the point is that the only way to achieve happiness is to be open to change, with the understanding that the journey will never go as planned.
4. Be Nice - To conclude, he said that a failure to do the first three rules leads not only to unhappiness, but also to loneliness. This is because you will become too unpleasant. He said that that unpleasantness that you see in certain people is caused by the pain they are enduring from not being able to achieve happiness. He said that most “jerks” are square pegs trying to fit in circular holes. He said to be nice to everyone, because the same people you see on your way up, are the ones you will see on your way down.
I needed to hear this! I don’t even know what to do with myself after this.
i’ll fuck you,
if you want.
cause i want it
just as bad as you do.
but i also want to hear the rustle of the sheets
when you turn over in the middle of the night.
i want to feel your hot breath on my neck.
i want the stubble on your chin to graze my cheek
as you kiss me gently on the forehead.
and when i whisper “goodnight,” you don’t have to reply.
just nudge me with your knee
or poke me with your elbow
I really haven’t been into you.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’
I wonder why I cannot be both.
He kisses me
My college theater professor once told me
that despite my talent,
I would never be cast as a romantic lead.
We do plays that involve singing animals
and children with the ability to fly,
but apparently no one
has enough willing suspension of disbelief
to go with anyone loving a fat girl.
I daydream regularly
about fucking my boyfriend vigorously on his front lawn.
On the mornings I do not feel pretty,
while he is still asleep,
I sit on the floor and check the pockets of his skinny jeans for motive,
for a punchline,
for other girls’ phone numbers.
When we hold hands in public,
I wonder if he notices the looks —
like he is handling a parade balloon on a crowded sidewalk;
if he notices that my hands are now made of rope.
Dear Cosmo: Fuck you.
I will not take sex tips from you
on how to please a man you think I do not deserve.
He tells me he loves me with the lights on.
I can cup his hip bone in my hand,
feel his ribs without pressing very hard at all.
He does not believe me when I tell him he is beautiful.
Sometimes I fear the day he does will be the day he leaves.
The cute hipster girl at the coffee shop
assumes we are just friends
and flirts over the counter.
I spend the next two weeks
mentally replacing myself with her
in all of our photographs.
When I admit this to him
we spend the evening taking new photos together.
He will not let me delete a single one of them.
The phrase “Big girls need love too” can die in a fire.
Fucking me does not require an asterisk.
Loving me is not a fetish.
Finding me beautiful is not a novelty.
I am not a fucking novelty.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says, ‘No. You are so much more’,
and kisses me